


The Glue Fic™

by hunkgarretts (orphan_account)



Series: The Paper Eaters [1]
Category: Love Live - Fandom, Love Live School Idol Project - Fandom
Genre: A 2k fic about paper eating, Crack, Crack with Plot, F/F, Honoka also eats glue, I'm 12 what is this, Other, but glue is like the side hoe, kotori is done with everyone's shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 05:13:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9163681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/hunkgarretts
Summary: Umi immediately stopped speaking and watched as a wrinkled piece of paper appeared on the circle before them. She must be dreaming. That's the only logical explanation she can think of. Paper can't just be summoned from thin air! Scandelous! When she's done with all this paper eating business she's going to blog about it. Honoka's privacy be damned.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Whaddup this was written for a friend of mine at 3am in the morning so really don't blame me blame her.

Umi immediately stopped speaking and watched as a wrinkled piece of paper appeared on the circle before them. She must be dreaming. That's the only logical explanation she can think of. Paper can't just be summoned from thin air! Scandelous! When she's done with all this paper eating business she's going to blog about it. Honoka's privacy be damned. 

"Well, what are you waiting for? Pick it up and eat it!" 

*scratch* 

*Freeze Frame* 

Welp you're probably wondering on how I ended up like this.   
••••••••••  
Umi heard the tall tale sign of paper breaking before she knew what was happening. 

"Honoka-Chan please don't eat paper again. " 

Munch munch munch.   
Too late. 

"But Umi-Chan! You just don't understand! Eating paper is like fucking ASMR for your mouth!" 

As Umi looked up she caught a glimpse of Honoka with a face that can only be described as pure ecstasy. How can someone her age be addicted to something so childish? Did she also hoard secret stashes of glue? Did she put them on her hands and waits for the glue to dry only to peel it off? 

Does she still eat glue??? 

(And yes she means still as one time in seventh grade she caught her best friend chugging bottles of glue. 

It wasn't a very high moment for either of them) 

"Honoka-Chan, what joy can you possibly find from eating paper?" 

"The same joy you get when you stare at Kotori chan for long awkward moments. Unrequited love must be hard." 

"Below the belt Honoka-Chan." 

"SoznotSoz. But you seriously can't tell me you haven't thought about eating paper before."

"Actually I can cause I'm not 12"

"But you were twelve once in your life!" 

"Yes and you still are apparently!" 

Umi returned to her work. She was not eating paper! She wasn't! Just because Honoka's face looked like a determined but kicked puppy doesn't mean she's going to drop to her Nico Nico Knees and eat a piece of fucking paper! She has a crush on Kotori chan for Christ sake! Why should she be at Honoka's beck and call for everything?

"Hey Umi chan first off rude, I don't look like a kicked puppy and second...what if we made a deal?" 

Shit did she say all of that outloud? 

"Yes you did Umi Chan and can you please stop cursing it's ruining my chewing mojo."

"Fuck your paper chewing mojo" 

"Umi-channnnnnn" 

"Okay fine what's this deal you speak of?" 

"Okay. How about, If you eat paper right in front of me and then describe the sensation then I'll ask Kotori chan to go out on a date with you." 

Scandalous! Sonoda Umi was by means no cheater when it comes to toughing up, and asking one of her friends to ask out her crush for her is out of the question!

"Ummmi-Chan it's not cheating at all and please stop referring to yourself in the third person it's weird." 

"Oh and eating paper isnt?" 

"Not if you're 12" 

Umi chan sighed as she started to pack up her work and begin the journey back home. She was going to think about this for a few nights and told Honoka as she left. 

•••••••••••

Umi thought about it long and hard, for 3.14 days and 69 nights she wracked her head on pros and cons to eating paper to achieve crushe's attention. 

Pros:   
Date with Kotori  
Eternal happiness from that point on   
Marriage   
Dogs   
Honoka's happi- wait what

Cons:   
It's fucking paper   
Paper.   
(She might get addicted) 

Her pros and cons list didn't really help so she even texted a few of her closest friends

 

To maki:   
is it okay to eat paper if it means that you'll gain the affections of someone really close to you? Asking for a friend 

From maki:  
I'm blocking you 

To Rin:  
You're secretly a 12 year old right? You must be familiar with the sensation that was paper eating? Can you tell me what it's like? This is for science 

From Rin:  
Nya (ten million cat emojis)

From: ?????  
Hey Umi chan! So I heard from maki and Rin chan that you were trying to know what it was like to eat paper? I might be able to help!

To: ?????  
New fone who dis

Maybe after her enternal happiness she should try getting new friends. 

•••••••  
Umi dwelled on it so long that she completely missed a few key points in her life. Apparently muse disbanded while she was in her head, a new group formed inspired by muse, and is currently runner ups for the current love live. 

"You'll do it? Do what?" Honoka asked one day on their way home. Yes their home. As in two. Both of them living together two. Thankfully not everything changed, as while exploring their 'home' Umi caught Honoka snorting glue Bottles in the privacy of her bedroom. 

If she looks closely she can still see faint remains of dried glue in the inside of her nose. 

"I'll eat paper. For that date with Kotori. You promised." 

Honoka scratched a flakey part(it was probably just leftover glue) from the inside of her nose as she thought about how to respond. She wasn't known for making promises and then breaking them, but she quite liked having Umi around. If Umi went on that date with Kotori then she'll go on more dates and then eventually start staying over at Kotori's place and then eventually acquire a draw to herself before realizing that she wants more than a sock draw so she askes if  
She can live with Kotori full time and then leave Honoka all by herself and when she'll go to make dinner she'll end up burning down the house because she only knows how to make bread and glue sandwhiches and then she'll be homeless and won't even have her precious glue and paper stash with her because she ran out and then how can she survive? 

But then what about Umi's happiness? Surely if she says no then Honoka would be submitted to the glare of the vile ocean (a glare that no one wants to be submitted to she can confirm.)

After a long and tiring debate with herself (it was mostly just her panicking about her glue stash) she finally answered Umi. 

"Sure" 

Umi's smile was totally worth it. 

•••••••••

"Hey Honoka-Chan" 

"Whaddup" 

"Why are we in a summoners circle?" 

"To channel the paper eating gods duh."

"Do all the twelve year olds do this?" 

"Only the determined ones yeah. Paper eating has changed Umi-chan. For the better."

"Ooooookay. So what next?" 

"We need to chant. Umi chan, you do know how a summon works right?" 

"O-of course!" 

"Great then we don't have to do this twice now chant after me ~ Santo Rita Mita Meada Ringo Jonah Tito Marlon Jack La Toya Janet Micheal Dumbledora The Explorer Santo Rita Mita Meada Ringo Jonah Tito Marlon Jack La Toya Janet Micheal Dumbledora The Explorer FROM THE DEPTS OF HELL I SUMMON THEE" 

"Wait, hel-

J

Slowly she let go of Honoka's hand and picked up the paper. It was just a regular piece of paper filled with notes that was probably from a high schoolers notebook. She faintly noticed words like "three mermaids" "ganbawooby" "crungy" and "it's joke" spiraled throughout it. Maybe not a High schoolers notebook then....

"Comeonumiiiiiiii" 

She also realized that she never got an actual respond from Rin about what it feels like to eat paper. Umi made a note to herself to never lend Rin cat food again if this goes all wrong 

"Umi it's now or never the paper eating gods waits for no one."

She sighed. Welp. If this is how it's all going to end at least she wasn't a furry. 

"Bone app the teeth" 

She braced herself and put the paper in her mouth. Cautiously she scrapped her teeth against it and took a second to think about how it felt. 

It felt, 

Different. Good different. It felt as if she was chewing very thin bubble gum. The more she chewed the more flashbacks she got from the times in which she was 12. Chewing paper cause she couldn't afford bubble gum, putting glue on her hand and giggling as she pried it off, showing Hono-

Oh. 

Oh. 

 

Umi's eyes widened. She stepped back a few and looked at Honoka for any recognition in what she's feeling. 

"Ho-Honoka-Chan"

"This feeling. This feeling of nostalgia. Is that what you feel when you do it?" 

"Mhm! You see Umi-Chan? You grew up to fast to properly enjoy the joys of paper eating!" 

And then Umi smiled and then Honoka smiled back. Somewhere in the distance Kotori smiled and then Umi smiled harder. Cause she was fearless and crazier than her. She was her queen and god help anyone who dared disrespect her queen. 

• • • • • • • • •

Umi now found herself in a cute cat cafe that would have Rin jealous to the core (she tried stepping in it once and immediately stepped out the cats took no mercy on her). This was the restaurant she was supposed to meet Kotori in but alas, she was twenty minutes late. 

Which was y'know, fine. Twenty minutes is nothing it's not like she's and hour late or something Kotori is too sweet to stand up someone like that at least she would text you unlike some people 

"Hey UMI CHAANNN WHERE ARE YOU???"

That wasn't her precious cinnamon roll. Far from it. Umi looked up from her ginger cat only to find Honoka chan standing right at her table? How did she get here so fast and how did she not get mauled by cats? Honoka and Cats never really went together. 

"Honoka chan!" Umi hissed "what are you doing here? This was supposed to be my date with hap- I mean Kotori third wheels aren't needed!" 

"Sorry about that Umi but Kotori just texted me something about a blurberry train? She also said that I should show up instead and sent a lot of love hearts and bread so idk but I'm here and you're not sad and lonely and that's all that matters!" 

Oh. Umi haven't thought about the consequences of Kotori being late since she was caught up in the cats. Maybe keeping Honoka around was a good thing after all. 

Blushing, Umi replied "O-oh. Well um, thanks Honoka Chan I really appreciate it." 

"No problem! Also Kotori told me that she was going to pay for the bill but since she isn't there she wants me to do it but I didn't bring any money on me but instead I got the next best thing!" 

She reaches in her bag and shuffles around for a bit until she found What she's reached for. It was an old newspaper with the headlines "Two Gay Famous Youtubers Comes Out As Paper Eating Fans" and victoriously slams it down on the table. 

"This" 

Just kidding Umi regrets everything.

**Author's Note:**

> I regret nothing


End file.
